Okay, so obviously I've been pretty off the radar.... SO much has been going on this year that I've barely had time to breathe but today I crossed a major finish line...
As some of you might know I've been training for a half marathon since september... My first 5k was a mud run back in June and at the time it seemed like a big accomplishment - who would have thought not even a full 6 months later I'd complete the Seattle 1/2... I sure as heck didn't.
This has been a year full of personal challenges... rocky relationships, loss of loved ones, usual stress from work and art AND all of the running I decided to undertake, perhaps needless to say I often felt incredibly swamped and unsure how I would get it all done (or if I wanted to, or if it was worth it). Crossing that finish line after 13.1 miles and what I might call a "hell year" was not just a physical accomplishment... it was proof that I can and will overcome anything I set my mind to.
I guess lets take it from the top... at the beginning of the year I was not a runner - I didn't really like running that much but I loved the results so I did it... A normal "run" for me would be 2-2.75 miles with a mix of walking in there... certainly not a point you'd be at and think "oh I know what to do next, 13 miles!" I started pushing my runs to 3 miles trying to prep for the mass of 5ks I signed up for - again who starts running at the beginning of the year and then decides to run five 5ks in 4 months? - this girl.
Sometime in March (maybe?) was when I stumbled onto a zozi deal for the Seattle Half Marathon in December...It's kind of funny because I had swore up and down to my ex that I would NEVER run that far - it wasn't possible and I wasn't interested.... I guess in some sort of weird rebellion I paid for the deal and said "screw it, I can do anything" Let me just throw this out there... March is a pretty long time before December, I don't know how many of you have looked at a calendar lately but there are a lot of months to lose motivation and faith in yourself (but not if you are already committed to 5ks!) so I made a plan... My 5k's would act as buffer training before I actually needed to tack on a ton of miles.... I gotta say, it worked.... Every mud run, every color run, I was more confident in my ability to complete the distance, I watched my time improve, and I even got so cocky that I did the Tough Mudder in October. THE TOUGH MUDDER!? who is this girl? Who decides to tackle 12 miles of the most amazing bullshit, the weekend after a 5k mud run, on a day her run was supposed to max at 6miles? oh thats right - THIS GIRL! The tough mudder really sealed the deal for me... I had no doubt that I would cross the finish line of the Half Marathon no matter how long it took me and thats where the race against myself began....It had finally clicked in me that I was a runner... me... right then, right there I was a runner because running isn't about how fast you're going - its the fact that you're going... what makes you a runner is the want inside of you to run... its walking down a beautiful trail and thinking "this would make a great run" its the eagerness your feet start to feel to move you faster, to let you cover more ground, and to let yourself experience the world in a way that we often fly by it....That was the point when my urge to run really took flight and I wasn't sure that my goal of just finishing was good enough.
My first time goal was 3 hours... If I could just make it in under 3 hours I would be happy. I would encourage others to just celebrate finishing the first one completely regardless of time but in case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of an overachiever. Training during the month of October was AMAZING! I felt so good about my progress and I was really cutting my mile time down and even thought I'd maybe finish around 2:45 but things came to a bit of a halt when my dear friend's cervical cancer took a turn for the worst. I dropped a lot of what I was doing for a few weeks and focused on making "battle mode" t-shirts and visiting her in the hospital. It was a really emotional time that rocked me pretty hard and on top of that I was going back and forth with my doctor about my own health problems. By the end of the month all of the stress and sickness had put me nearly 3 weeks behind on my training schedule and the half was only 4 weeks away (2 of which I was supposed to use for tapering)... I tried to get caught up and altered the layout of my schedule a bit to accommodate the loss of time but nothing was really making me feel prepared. Mid November M passed away. Its still a fresh wound that brings tears to my eyes and became a focal point of my thoughts during my runs... the days I didn't want to get up and go outside, I went for her...
Race day came up fast - it was 2 days after thanksgiving (who does that?!) and I'm SO SO thankful that my roommate signed up with me. We made it to the start and I told her that I'd be lucky to make it to the finish in under 3 hours (you cant imagine how disheartened I was at the thought) but I was hopeful that the new medicine I'm on would help... Armed with my camelbak, gummy snacks, and headphones I was ready to finish this - crawling across the finish if I had to because quitting was never an option. Despite having horrible stomach cramps that started at mile 2 and hit me off and on throughout the run, I kept going steady for the first 6.5 miles.... I thought about M frequently and there was even one point when I passed a spectator holding a sign that said "life is short, running makes it seem longer" and as tears swelled in my eyes a bit, I eased into my run and enjoyed the scenery, enjoyed breathing, enjoyed the distance I was going... The last 3 miles were the hardest on me... I was tired, I was 99% positive I wouldnt make it back in under 3 hours and I was just struggling to push myself to the end... As I approached the stadium I picked up the pace for the final jaunt; I ran passed the bleachers and onto the field where I could finally see the finish line and above it in huge numbers 2:57:45... I took off at a sprint, realizing I was just a couple hundred feet away from my goal of "under 3". I crossed the finish line at 2:58:07 and they placed a teal medal around my neck (for those who dont know teal is the ribbon color for ovarian and cervical cancer) and I could have burst into tears... I didn't though! My dad was there waiting for me with a hug (since my mom and sisters were in Australia at the time my only cheerleaders were my dad and a friend) and the rest is history.
So why did I give you all this information? Its my plea to you to do that things you think you can't; to do the things you don't think you're strong enough to accomplish. Its my encouragement to reach beyond whats right in front of you, to work hard against the odds, to fight back and to never give up on something. The world is full of plenty of people who will give up, quit, tap out, or not even try to begin with, and maybe its just fear of failure or maybe its something else, but don't let that person be you. Don't be a person that lets fear keep you from doing something crazy - something unimaginable - something unbelievable because this is it... this is your opportunity to shine and there are no excuses because people have the opportunity to shine brightest in the dark; you just have to choose it.
